i need some kind of daily project to get me motivated. the problem is, i have LOTS of projects that i want to do, but what i really need to work on is: myself. i’m tired of being depressed and unmotivated. i’m tired of ‘talking’ and ‘thinking’. i want to do more ‘doing’ and ‘finishing’. i’m tired of wondering what everyone else is up to, what everyone else is thinking. i’m tired of putting energy and love that i dont have into other people when i need to be putting that into myself. i’m going to try to post a photo everyday and write a little something-something. i just want to be happy again.

[photo a day: # 1]

day 2: today i got these two books. the one on the right has 52 ideas to defeat depression. i’m going to try one idea a week for the next year. the other book has exercises to help to get your life in order. i’ll write more about these books as i get further into them. tomorrow i’m going to see a therapist. i have been debating how public i want to be with these things that can be so private to other people. i have come to the conclusion that i want to be as open as possible about my process to find balance and happiness. hopefully it will encourage others to do the same. or at least provide some type of support. or to know that other people go through the same things. we all find ourselves in ruts. it helps when we can find others who can relate.

day 3: 

Cristina (aka Teknacolorninja) is my musical partner in crime. We met a little over a year ago and hit it off instantly. We are pretty much the same person when it comes to our musical ideas. We are always making up beats and melodies with anything that can produce sound. Together, we started NINJATRONICS (http://ninjatronics.blogspot.com) and started doing podcasts and writing reviews and making music. 

I’m really proud of her for all that she’s accomplished this past year. all of the DJing gigs she’s landed and how much she has grown to develop her own unique style. 

girl you my best frrrraaaaand. 

(photo by brett)

day 4:

this is my favorite intersection in Wilmington. my favorite thing over the summer was riding through this intersection at night. i felt like i was in a different city. i’ve always had an affinity for this fountain/intersection. when i was little it was my favorite part of the drive downtown. that along with the old trees that shade the skinny part of market street.

one time i was riding my bike by and i saw two girls sitting on the bench, talking and laughing. when i rode by an hour or so later, they were still there! it made me really happy for some reason.

earlier this year i wanted to start making that intersection a “meet up” point amongst me and my friends, but it never really happened. i think i went there once and hung out on the bench for a minute.

“hey, what are you doing?”
“nothing, wanna hang out?”
“sure, meet you at the fountain?”
“okay, see you in a minute”

who wants to reclaim the fountain with me?

day 5:

this is my little brother. he is 15 years old and the coolest kid i know. whenever i tell people about him i always say that he’s everything i wanted to be at that age. i’m extremely jealous that he gets to grow up with so much technology. he’s awesome at everything. skateboarding, surfing, guitar (he can play every led zeppelin song like it ain’t no thang), karate, hockey. he gets straight As, he’s way more patient than me, the list goes on. basically he got all the good genes. 

except now he has started going to church a lot and he’s currently reading a book by the infamous bigot also known as Rick Warren. and that worries me. but he is young and i went through one of those God phases too. he’s a smart kid, so i’m sure he will realize the difference between being spiritual and being a religious nutjob.

day 6:

Hello, my name is Pirahna. I’m going to post a photo today since Lynn is at her parent’s house today spending time with a family that doesn’t understand her. She’s probably having awkward conversations. They probably think she is stupid because when they ask her “so what’s new in your life?” she nonchalantly says “not much. work and stuff” (and yes, I’m sure she says it all in lower case letters too). She doesn’t think they would understand if she started talking about the projects she is doing, the work that she does, the ideas that she has. Actually, she KNOWS they won’t understand, because she has tried before and was received with confusion or statements like “you’re weird….. well, if THAT makes you happy” you get the point. She’s tired of trying to break down racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, etc to them.

Okay, enough about her. She didn’t even clean my litter box before she went. I used to be called Mr. Kitty and I used to live with Bess, but she moved to Thailand and didn’t take me with her and for that I’m extremely jealous! She left me here in Wilmington while her and Sean have all the fun! I was renamed Pirahna because out of frustration, I spontaneously bite people, especially when they are petting me and being nice to me. I am just trying to teach them to be on their toes. 

Lynn loves me a lot and she knows it. I’m all up in her internetz today.

MEOW!

day 7:

last night i got home and found this kitten running around my apartment building! he is so tiny and cute and is a little purrbox machine! i have no idea where he came from but my neighbor downstairs says he has been hanging around outside of the building and he must have snuck in at some point. unfortunately i can’t keep him because Pirahna already told me he wasn’t gonna have any of this kitten stuff distracting all my attention from him.

day 8:

Tonight we celebrated my parent’s 25th wedding anniversary. My dad joined the Marines after high school and was stationed in the Philippines at Subic Bay. My mom was a waitress at a restaurant kinda equivalent to Pizza Hut (i think this is how the story goes). My mom’s friend was dating one of my dad’s friends and I think that is how they met each other. Well long story short, I was a product of that. My dad went back to the Philippines after I was born and brought my mom to the U.S. and I joined them a few months later. Apparently there was some complications with my paperwork and I couldn’t go with them, so they left me with my mom’s family and my Aunt Eva brought me over. We lived with my dad’s parents in Long Island, New York for a few years. My dad got a job with the United States Postal Service when I was 5 and we moved to North Carolina. The rest is history.

day 9: 

Today me and Andy went around downtown and at the mall to interview people for a documentary Andy, Laura, Gabby and Jordan are working on for their film class. I was surprised at how many people didn’t want to be on camera. The documentary is about Food Not Bombs and we asked people questions like “Would you eat food out of a dumpster?”, “How do you feel about food industries throwing out perfectly good food”, and “What comes to mind when you think of world hunger?” There were lots of “i think it’s ridiculous” and “it breaks my heart”. Most of the people said they wouldn’t eat out of a dumpster. Some said only if they had to or were paid money to and just a couple said yes, but those were people we knew would say yes pretty much. 

We also tried to go to the landfill today, but no luck. I have yet to check it out so hopefully sometime soon! I love trash!

day 10:

(i should have posted this yesterday. but i fell asleep early. frown)

today (yesterday) was lame. i am dubbing it a “privacy day” because as much as i’d like to be completely open and honest with this project, who am i kidding? i can’t be that open and honest on a social networking site. so there will be days where i write in my actual journal for my eyes only. this was one of those days. 

i did eat a burrito from flaming amys though.

day 11: some days there are things that i actually want to do but i just can’t pull myself out of bed. so i’m going to try a new trick and write a “to-do” list every night with things that i want to do or work on for the next day. i’m going to tack it up next to my bed so it’s the first thing i see in the morning. this was todays list. i’m starting to question whether i think i’m depressed because i can’t focus. or if i can’t focus because i’m depressed. i’m trying to prioritize things and organize all the ideas in my head. i’m also learning how to say no to other people and focus on my own projects so i don’t get burnt out so easily.

day 12: 

My apartment has been undergoing renovations the past 2 weeks and it’s almost done! This photo was taken after the carpet was ripped out. I’ve been living in a temporary apartment down the hall, “motel bizarro” which is laid out exactly the same way as my apartment except for a few small things (the bathroom and closet are switched and oh yeah.. there’s no fridge or stove, hence the name “motel bizarro”. I’m moving back in tomorrow hopefully and I’ll post a photo of the new floor and paint job. I’m really excited to get back in there and have things in order once again. All of my things are just packed up in boxes and/or stored in the closet.

oh and P.S. tacking up a to-do list next to my bed did not help me get out of bed. in case you were wondering

day 13:

here is the after picture of my apartment w/ the new floors. you can see the before picture here: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=36244049&id=40507567

fancy eh? i’m ready to get settled back in. hopefully i can wake up early tomorrow to finish painting the bedroom. i ran out of paint for the living room, so i need to go get some more. 

i went looking for a slip cover for a couch i adopted and those things are crazy expensive. $50 - 75! ridiculous!

day 14:

The reason i totally slacked off on the Photo-A-Day project is because I had a special visitor come to town. His name is “H. Giraffe” and i took him to a few of my favorite spots in Wilmington.

day 15